My Jewish journey started when I opened my DNA results from Ancestry.com to discover I was 50% “Ashkenazi.” I didn’t know what that word meant. I’d never heard it before. If you would’ve asked me moments before if I thought my mom had interacted with anyone Jewish before, I would’ve said no. I had no idea what it meant to be a Jew. The only thing I knew, was that my father was Jewish. I wondered what that meant for me. I wondered what it meant to be a Jew.
Who is a Jew is probably the most complicated question I have ever encountered. To be considered “Jewish” by everyone in the world, you must have a Jewish mother or convert under Orthodox auspices. If you have a Jewish mother, you are forever considered Jewish, even if you convert to a different religion or never practice any aspect of being Jewish at all. There are Jews who are culturally Jewish but never step foot in synagogue. Jews who just attend High Holidays similar to Christians who just go to Easter services. Regardless, they are forever Jewish if their mother was. Your mother matters, period. If you mom was Jewish, under these same rules, this means you are halachically a Jew (a Jew under Jewish religious law) and will be recognized as such everywhere.
Zera Yisrael is a legal category in Israel of a Jew whose mother isn’t Jewish, but their father is or whose ancestors were forced to convert… think the Spanish inquisition. Yes, that long ago. It denotes a Jewish blood line when someone isn’t halachically Jewish. Many say that while Zera Yisrael, or a Seeds of Israel, means you aren’t technically Jewish, you embody the “holiness of Israel.” We are the lost ones. Orthodox conversion is the only path to being considered a “real” Jew. There are hundreds of thousands of Seeds of Israel throughout the world who grow up culturally Jewish and attending synagogue but are not fully embraced by the Jewish community. Many live in Israel. Birth right, the ability to immigrate to Israel, is based on if you are Zera Yisrael and not halachically Jewish. This is me; I am a Seed of Israel.
I believe in genetic memory. After my DNA surprise, the first time I attended Jewish services, I sat there in awe that I finally looked like other people in a room with me, I don’t think I heard one word of the Hebrew. The next time, I paid attention and was mesmerized. The words spoke to a part of me, the deepest part of my soul, that had never been touched in 45 years. Tears ran down my face as the Rabbi’s words woke something long dormant within me. This mystical moment surprised me.
It shouldn’t have. After co-founding Right to Know, a non-profit dedicated to helping people impacted my genetic identity issues, I have been lucky to hear heard hundreds of DNA stories. Incidentally, people are two times more likely to discover they are Jewish than any other ethnicity. What I have observed is that people with a Jewish discovery are much more likely to gravitate towards being a Jewish than any other ethnicity. Suddenly Jewish by Barbara Kessel, written before the popularity of over-the-counter DNA testing, touches on this tendency too. I believe this is due to endogamy and therefore a stronger concentration of genetic memory. Many of us with Jewish ancestry are drawn to being Jewish.
I grew up in an agnostic household where organized religion was considered bad. My mother often told me that too much pain and suffering had occurred throughout history in the name of G-d. While religion and the ancient history of Israel have always fascinated me from a historical perspective, I never understood a person’s emotional gravitation pull towards the subject. That is until that day at temple when I really listened.
Following this newfound yearning, I dove into my Jewish studies. At every turn, I realized I am a Jew. I think like a Jew. I had raised my children steeped in Jewish values without knowing it. I was never very comfortable with many of the Christian ideals that permeate much of our American society, but Judaism fits my philosophy about so many things. I had found my home. A little more than three years after my discovery I converted or affirmed being a Jew.
A sense of not belonging has followed me throughout my life. I thought it was because I was biracial. I chalked it up to not being Black enough for onside of the family and being a black sheep to the other side. After a DNA surprise, we often go back through our memories and edit our past experiences with our new information. It changes the lens of how we see things. I now know I was asked to be a square peg in a round hole. My affirmation of my Jewishness was a step towards changing the shape of the hole I was trying to fit into. I embraced me as I am, and not what everyone told me I was.
Even at this stage in my Jewish journey, I still have this longing to belong. I know this is because the question of who is a Jew is so fraught. It is a tough space for someone who never felt a strong sense of belonging in the first place. People will always question whether I am Jewish. And because of this, I am not sure I will ever feel like I fully belong in the Jewish community. I decide one step could help me with my sense of belonging, it could also leave me feeling still like an outsider looking in, but my heart calls me to visit my homeland. I will go and see and be Jewish in a space where everyone just is. I am blessed to be at a time in my life and with my family that I can make this journey. Many argue the Jewish community must embrace the Zera Israel because we are the future of the Jewish nation. I agree. I hope I can plant my seed, like the hundreds of thousands like me, and become one of the beautiful flowers of the Jewish people – cared for and tended to by all Jews. To all the other Zera Yisrael out there – be proud of who you are. It is our passion and fortitude that will ensure the strength and endurance of our people. Israel, here I come on the next step of my Jewish journey.
